Try as they might, the Cowboys did not lose a home game against the winless Cincinatti Bengals.  As I sat paralyzed on my couch, glued to the screen in sheer horror of the train wreck that unraveled on the field at Texas Stadium, I could have sworn the home team was hell-bent on handing Marvin Lewis his first Dub of the season.

Minus the first 18 minutes of course, when Greg Ellis snagged the team’s first interception since last December.  You know, because 260-pound linebackers are known for their ball-snagging prowess…   Also, throw up a 2-8 for Felix Jones who’s found the end zone in every game he’s touched the ball.  I say Marion Barber should paper-rock-scissor him for the starting position.  Anyway, when the Boys went up 17-0, three minutes into the 2nd quarter, I was fairly satisfed even though Tony’s less than statistically superb performance was making my fantasy game much closer than it needed to be. 

Then, as per usual, all Hell broke loose.  In this case, Hell = Dallas’ Infamous Prevent Defense.

Really, it’s a legacy in the making.  Even during the Glory Days the Cowboys were groundbreaking in their ability to find new ways to stop playing any sort of aggressive football once they had a comfortable lead.  And by comfortable I mean “anywhere from 7 to 20 points” with no regard for the amount of time left on the game clock.  Up by 17 with 42 minutes to  go in the game is just the 10.5.08  version for the file. 

The Bengals lost this game, we didn’t win it.  But for a Holding call on Houshmanzadeh, a Chris Perry fumble and several dropped passes across the Cincinatti board, the Cowboys are 3-2.  Somehow, somewhere we came out on top to keep pace in the divsion with the Skins, but it was a pathetic display of ineptitude.

Carson Palmer’s leading a team with game averages of 14 pts (2nd to last in the league) & 240 total yards (Dead last in the league). We should have ROLLED over them.  We should have won 44-6, like the Giants did against Seattle.  An 0-4 team on the road against a 3-1 “powerhouse” should not be able to send TJ Whoshamazilly into the endzone TWICE without so much as a hand in the face.

Tony ThumbsForFingers threw a pick for the eighth straight game (yes, that dates back to 2007) earning the title of the League’s Longest Interception Streak.  If anyone’s counting that’s 5 this year, and as I pointed out, our All-Pro Corners & Safeties have combined for a total of 0 so far.  Excellent.  As long as we keep winning the turnover battle like this, we should easily continue to scrape by on flukes & sheer luck.  

This is maddening. We don’t look like a championship contender.  If Flozell Adams didn’t drop his Alaska-sized ass on top of Marion Barber’s fumble… If Patrick Crayton didn’t find a 4-leaf clover and happen to be jogging in the exact spot where Miles Austin tips the ball in the end zone… If Keith Davis got beat by Ben Utecht on the 2-pt conversion…  You get the idea.  Too many gaffes, too many holes that would have been exposed by ANY other team (except perhaps the Lions).  We’re supposed to be a Super Bowl favorite.  It would be nice if all 53 roster members got on board with that concept.

On a side note, did anyone catch TO’s post-game press debacle?  Why is he dragging God down into this mess?  Come on Terrell, gather yourself.  I gotta reel you back in, buddy.  You got a TD and a win, so put a kabosh on the emotionally distressed hyper-routine, would you?   Sorry about the loss in your family, Terrell and I apologize for jumping the gun on your reaction.  Nothing but love. 

It’s so frustrating, I can’t even get on my usual Sassy Pants to be clever and witty about it.  In case anyone missed it, the effing Cardinals  rebounded from 2 straight losses to manhandle the previously undefeated Bills and send Trent Edwards to the locker room for who knows how long.  I do  NOT need Grandpa Kurt rallying the troops like that when the Blue & Silver come to town in 6 days.  If they play like this again next Sunday, I’m going to have the world’s longest walk of shame out of the University of Phoenix Stadium.

In other (somewhat) comforting news,  Matt Cassell remembered how to throw to Randy Moss and I have secured a fantasy win, so long as Reggie Bush doesn’t lose 9 points tomorrow night.  Much like what happened in Irving, it was a depressingly unconvincing win, but I’ll take it, breathe a sigh of relief at a crisis averted and turn my attention to preparing for Week 6.